My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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