Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
