So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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