K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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