its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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