I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
