The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
