i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
