Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
