he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
