I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it's like iHOP with fire
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dicks are not precious.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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