Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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