The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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