I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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