if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
