Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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