therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
