No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
