i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
