Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
