Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
