WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
