hotel room ftw
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
