I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
