You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
