I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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