Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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