my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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