she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
