I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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