where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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