So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
