we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
