if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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