he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
