Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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