a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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