why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
