GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
