Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
