"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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