dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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