You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
