Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
