I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
