How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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