i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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