imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
