My room smells like vodka and shame
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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