my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Green mimosas i think yes
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
NoShamevember. You game?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
