I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
