So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
