You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize