just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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