he wants to bone in the snuggie
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
