Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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