So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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