If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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