if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
