he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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