Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
