I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
