Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
