I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
