I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
