If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
