I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
