bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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