I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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