redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
