My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dicks are not precious.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
