he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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