My sheets look like a crime scene.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
