he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
