I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
