we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
