The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
